Transition

It's time.
Tomorrow is almost here, a day I have been dreading for a long time...seven months to be exact.
I go back to work, leaving my loves for eight to nine hours each day.  And to say that my heart is breaking would be an understatement.
When I went back to work after having Conor, it was hard, very hard.  But this time it is different. Conor has turned this corner in life by starting kindergarten.  We (Frank, Rowan, and I) have been walking him to school each day.  And for the last week and a half, it has been MY favorite part of the day - he loves going to school, seeing his friends and each day is just as exciting to him as the previous.  I.love.EVERYTHING.about.this.kid!

And I will miss him.

And then there is Rowan. She is SO fiesty - daycare lady has a challenge ahead of her!  Rowan is not even seven months old and has decided that she is ready to crawl, kneel, stand up at times, and toss everything off her highchair! She is also working on tooth number 4! She is definitely more intense than Conor was at this age. Did I mention how much she loves to nap - NOT! I get nothing done at home because of that tidbit...but, I would not want to change a thing about my spirited, young lady.

I am really having a hard time imagining how my days, my weeks will be now.  For seven months now, I have been nothing but full time mommy and wife - two of the best jobs in the world.  It is not taking on another responsibility (work) that has me upset - it is that work will take away from what I want to be, which is the best mommy and wife that I can be. I did the juggling act for the past five years, and did an okay job.  Why am I so scared this time around?  What makes it different? Seeing Conor move onto kindergarten has made me realize that my babies won't be babies forever, which is exciting and sad all at the same time.

I.don't.want.to.miss.a.moment.

  
“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together...there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you.” - Winnie the Pooh


What a wise bear Pooh is...he helped sum up the emotions I was feeling today.

Today was Conor's first day of kindergarten.  A couple of months ago, I thought, no big deal - it is kindergarten, same schedule as preschool, which Conor had been attending for the past two years. Just another transition - piece of cake.  Was I ever wrong - Conor is fine, I am a bit of a train wreck.

 What is it about this rite of passage that makes a mom - or a dad - so emotional?  Going to kindergarten is BIG.  The building is big; the kids are big; the school bus is big. The whole package is a BIG deal. Will he get on or off the right bus? Will he like his teachers? Will he make friends?  Will the other kids be nice to him? Day one - all that he cared about was that he saw his BFF Allie before school, at lunch, and after school, since they are not in the same class.  So sweet.


I worry about all the above and more.  Conor is a happy, loving, affectionate, silly, fun, mischievous kid...and I want him to stay that way...forever.  Meeting new friends, being in a more challenging environment, the influences of others, is scary - for me, not him.  I don't want him to change - ever.  But I know that I need to let go...does not mean I have to do so willingly, though.  It is not that I want my little boy to stay a little boy forever - I want him to be who is right now forever - the happy, fun loving, affectionate, silly, mischievous kid that I enjoy every single day of my blessed life.  

My wish for my Conor is that he is able to retain all of those wonderful traits as he begins this wonderfully scary adventure called kindergarten...and that he lets me tag along for the ride.

How much do I love him? To infinity and beyond...

Tradition

This past weekend was Labor Day weekend - traditionally "the last weekend" of summer, even though autumn does not technically begin until mid-September.  Here in Boston, the weather has agreed with that premise - today and yesterday have been cool and rainy, definitely not summer like.  But Labor Day weekend was hot and humid...and I was lucky enough to spend it with my family.

When I was pregnant with Conor, Frank and I walked the WHOLE city on July 1st, 2006 in hopes of inducing labor...did it work? Who knows...but my labor did start late that night.  And Conor Edward was welcomed into the world two days later on July 3rd, 2006. One of the places we walked to was the Public Gardens to see Make Way for Ducklings and ride the Swan Boats.  Labor Day weekend 2006, we brought wee little Conor, only two months old, on the T, into Boston for his first meet and greet with Mama Mallard and to ride the boats. And a tradition was born.  For the past five years, we have hopped on the red line, ridden to Charles, get off and walk up to the Gardens, to sit and take photos on the bronze ducks and take a jaunt on the boats. Then we get some lunch. And this year, instead of three, we were four.

Little Rowan got to sit on Mama Mallard, ride the boat, and enjoy lunch - well, okay, she just watched us eat burritos. I wanted to post photos from the weekend...and the past five Labor Days, but who knows where my USB cable is?  And I left the camera in Rowan's room (I was sneaking a sleep picture during nap time) and I don't dare go in to get it...so the photos will have to wait until another day.

Why?

So, here it goes...my very first blog.

Since the birth of my son Conor a little over five years ago, I have considered starting a blog...and never did.  Then the last eighteen months happened, and I finally decided that I NEEDED to do this - I needed an outlet, so here I am.

Life has been a whirlwind since the spring of 2010.  I have experienced a significant amount of loss, including the death of my mother's twin, my Aunty Glenda in December, and my beloved Mumu, my grandmother, in February.  And just a couple of months ago, my cousin Alicia, only a few years older than me, passed away.

But, I have also experienced great joy during such a difficult time...I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Rowan on March 3rd.  And became an aunt for the first time on June 5th, to a handsome boy named Nate.  I am not a religious person, but the timing of these deaths and births has me thinking - a lot.

And throughout this emotional roller coaster, my best friend, my loving husband Frank has been there every step of the way. To add to the ride, we became homeowners for the first time!  

The next stop at the amusement park?  Kindergarten!!! Conor will begin kindergarten on September 14th, a milestone that I did not think would be stressful or too emotional, but as the day inches closer and closer and I talk with my mommy friends, I have realized that it WILL be stressful and VERY emotional!

So, here I am, blogging - and wondering where the ride will take me next.